I began to wonder where in the world I had gone wrong. Why is everything getting so tough for me? I walked slowly and purposefully towards my favorite secluded spot, where I often went to sort out my jumbled thoughts, which were racing through my mind. I gazed at the gushing stream of roaring water before me and felt and inner sense of utmost peace coming over my troubled senses. The tranquil serenity of the surrounding made me feel entirely at one with nature and I feel reveled in the feeling of being alone without any one to complicate things in any way. I looked around and appreciated the lovely rich greenery of the trees and grass everywhere around me. I loved the bright, vibrant and chirpy colors of the flowers that greatly enhanced my surrounding. The endless singing of the summer birds never ceased to bring a wistful smile to my face. All these exquisite sights made me forget almost my problems instantly and everything else that was bothering me. I took in a deep breath and took a stroll in the park. I was supposed to meet Zac & the lads yesterday, but I cancelled it. My mind was in a mess. I really don't know what to do. Guide me, please. I walked around the park, aimlessly when suddenly, my phone vibrated. I didn't even bother to check it. I continued walking aimlessly around the park when someone sneaked behind me and covered my eyes. 'Guess who?', the familiar voice whispered in my ears. "Hmm... Zac, is that you?' I replied. 'Zac? Who is that? Turn around now, babe' He said. Without hesitating, i turned around. I still kept my eyes close, not wanting to see who is in front of me. He took a step closer to me and run his fingers through my hair. 'Open your eyes' he said lovingly. I open up my eyes slowly.

Zayn was standing right infront me. He had his red hoodie and blue track pants on. He smiled widely and took a step closer to me. I was staring deeply in his brown eyes, just like the first time we met. I got lost in his eyes & I can't look away. He bend down a little and stared at my lips for quite some time. He brought his head closer to my lips. I closed my eyes tightly. He then tilt his head a little and kissed my right cheek. 'I miss you babe' He finally voiced out. I didin't respond. He then hugged me tightly, not letting go. 'Let me go,Zayn' I said. 'I miss you' He said, not letting me go. 'Let her go,Zayn' someone shouted. I couldn't recognize his voice,though. Upon hearing his voice, Zayn, slowly let go of me. I turned around to see who it was. Tears streamed down my face when I saw Zac walking towards me. 'You alright?' he asked. 'I am' I replied and lean in for a hug. Zac gave me a tight hug and kissed my head softly. 'Well, this must be Zac, right?' Zayn asked and forced a smile. I nodded my head. 'Zac, this is Zayn. Zayn, this is Zac' I introduced and they gave each other a hug. 'I'll leave you guys.' Zayn said and plastered a smile. 'Bye. Take care' I replied. He didin't even looked back to smile or wave goodbye.

Zayn's POV

I walked away, my world tumbling down. How can I look at her? How can I turn around to say goodbye to her, knowing another guy is holding her? How can I hide this tears from her? How can I pretend that everything is alright? How can I smile sincerely, just like the old times? Can I just have one  more chance to hold her in my arms, to wake up to her voice, to receive her text, to have her watching my performance on stage? Can I? Tars formed in my eyes. How my heart ached. I was crushed and I could barely breathe. My lungs burned as I tried to breathe normally. My heart shattered. My thoughts whirled and I cried as hard as I could, but it didn't help to ease the pain in my heart. I wanted to kill myself, leaving behind all this pain. I walked back to the dorm and locked myself in the room. Niall wasn't it the room. I was unsure where he and the lads were. There I was in my room, totally alone for the first time in my life and I did not know anyone else in the entire world. I felt so lost and unwelcome. No one was there when I turned my head. This pain in my chest is unbearable. I buried myself  in my pillow and cried everything out. Even though it was 11 am in the morning, i refused to get out from bed. I pulled up my blanket, hiding under the blanket still weeping. My broken heart was still and for a moment, I only felt numbness. And then an anger and sadness surged through me with so much power, I knew not what to do. My heart stopped beating, for it had only beat for her. My mind went black, as did his heart. It was like being trapped alone in the darkest abyss with a sword pierced through my heart. This broken heart is silent, it can't be seen but the blood bleeds inside. I refused the answer any of the lad's call. All I wanna do is lay in bed, doing nothing. Just then, I heard a a loud knock on my wooden door.  I can barely get up. 'Zayn. you in there?' I heard Niall's voice as he continuously knocked on the door.  I dragged myself out of bed, dragging both my feet to the door. I unlocked the door for Niall, faced the ground and dragged both my feet to my bed again. 'You okay,bud?' Niall asked as he sat on my bed. 'Uh..' I said as I pulled my blanket over me. 'What's wrong? You know, you can always count on me' Niall comforted me and pulled down my blanket. I laid on my back and stared at the ceiling, ignoring Niall's questions.  Niall then tickled me & I managed to smile. 'Tell me' Niall said as he poked my waist. 'Fine. I met Diana just now, I gave her a surprise, gave her a hug, telling her  I miss her. & all she could do was to tell me to let her go. Zac then appeared out of no where. & both of them hug. Diana refused to hug me, but she gladly hug Zac. I'm hurt, Niall, I really am. This hurts so bad.' I explained, as I continued to shed tears. 'Hm.. I know it hurts so bad, but, recalled on how much pain you inflicted on Diana. Was it fair for you to treat her that way? Was it fair for you to leave her alone and make out with some other girls? She stood by you though your good and bad times & all you can do is to push her away. You lost her now. I'm sorry bud, Stay strong. You'll do fine' Niall said and left the room. What Niall said hit me hard. I realized that I have hurt Diana too much. I wanna see her one last time. Just one last time. I stretched my hand out, trying to find my phone. Time flies, & it's now 8 pm. I have been in bed all day. My fingers weakly typed in 'Diana's name and sent her a text. I weakly get out of bed and grab my jacket, walking towards the park. I kept hitting my chest, hoping this pain will go away.

I finally arrived at the park, waiting patiently for Diana. I closed my eyes, my hand still hitting my chest, hard. 'Hey Zayn' I suddenly heard a sweet voice. I rubbed my eyes and looked up, seeing Diana in front of me. she smiled sweetly and I tried to force a smile. She sat down beside me, waiting patiently for me to say something. I scrunched my shirt, bearing this pain in my chest. 'I miss you' I started off. She nodded her head. 'This pain in my chest in unbearable, i can't face it. It hurts. I'm sorry for everything. I really am. I realised I have been such a fool to ever let go of you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.' I said as I hit my chest, harder and harder. Diana grabbed both my hands. 'stop it' she said. 'Stop hurting yourself. The pain in your chest, will go away soon. I have gone through it. Stop it Zayn. You are better than this' she said and stood up. I grab her right wrist and turn her around to face me. The tears kept flowing and I couldn't stop it. I got down on both my knees, looking down on the ground. 'D...on't leave' I said, my voice shaking. 'Z...ayn' she said, her voice shaking as well. 'Don't go. Just don't. Stay with me. I can't do this. Don't leave me Diana. Please' I begged. I had to do this. 'Stand up,' Diana said as he helped me up. She leaned closer to me and wrap her arms around my waist, tightly. She placed her head on my chest. All I could do was to hug her back,weakly. 'I.....' i said before I collapsed to the ground.

'ZAAAAAYN!' I shouted, tapping his right cheeks. 'Zayn, don't leave. Don't' I said. 'I have never stopped loving you. I love you so much Zayn. Wake up' I said, shaking his body. Zayn then slowly open up his eyes and pulled me down, so I was on top of him. 'You were worried.' Zayn teased as he kissed my forehead.

I smiled with tears in my eyes. Am i doing the right thing?

Chapter 5 - Every breath- Part 7




Chapter 5 - Every breath - Part 6








Chapter 5 - Every breath - Part 3




After dinner, we sat down on the floor. The waiter left us. So, some privacy for the both of us. Zayn took the sweater on the chair. 'Here babe, use it. It's cold' he said as he place the jacket around my shoulder. 'But i got you to keep me warm, i don't need the jacket' I replied and smiled cheekily. He winked at me and said 'Well, that could work. I could hug you till the sun comes up. So.. who needs a jacket right babe? 'Of course babe, Your hugs are the best yano?' I replied. 'Well. i know' Zayn said as he wrap his arms around me. I could feel the warmth of his body wrapping around my body. I tilted my head and rest my head on his left shoulder. He tilted his head to the left and rested his head on mine. We looked at the beautiful city, filled with lights. I was so happy to be in his arms, cuddling & watching the starts with the person I love.

'You nervous for tomorrow,love?' I questioned him. 'Hmm... I really am! I hope we make it through to the live shows you know?' Zayn answered me nervously. '& you can be with Eva most of the time right?' I asked. Yes, I was jealous. It's normal to be jealous, isn't it? 'What babe? I got you and only you. Why must you bring in Eva to our conversation? Just stop bringing her in! Do you know how hard it is for me to stop hurting you babe? So can you just please stop hurting yourself by mentioning Eva's name?! Zayn raised his voice. I remained silent. I don't know how to react. He raised his voice and honestly, it made me scared. I looked away, not daring to look at him. 'Babe. I'm sorry. It just makes me annoyed to hear Eva's name. I just want you to know that I'm yours, and you are mine. That's it. No third party in our relationship. Remember this necklace around our neck? It will always remind me of you. I'm sorry for raising my voice. It wasn't my intention to do that, love' Zayn comforted me as he run his fingers through my hair. I looked at him and smiled. 'No worries babe. It was my fault. Good luck for tomorrow love! I really hope you and the rest of the lads make it through okay? What song will you be performing to Simon babe?' I asked, excited. 'We will be performing torn! Your favourite song isn't it?' Zayn asked and gave a kiss on my forehead.

I nodded my head and smiled. 'Sing it for me then babe! Practice your vocals!' I said. It was an excuse actually. I wanted to hear him sing, cause whenever Zayn sings, I will always get goosebumps. That's how amazing his voice sounds! 'Anything for you love. But i'm not singing tomorrow babe. I'm just harmonizing love.' Zayn answered me. He then turn to look at me. I turned around to look at him and smiled. He grab me by my hands, look me in the eyes and started to sing. 'I thought, I saw a girl brought to life. She was warm, she came around,she was dignified. Showed me what it was to cry. You couldn't be that girl I adore. You don't seem to know or seem to care what your heart is for. But I don't know her anymore. There's nothing left, I used to cry. My conversation has run dry. That's what's going on. Nothing's fine I'm torn. I'm all out of faith, this is how i feel. I'm cold and I;m ashamed, lying naked on the floor. Illusion never changed, into something real' I teared listening to the sound of his sweet voice, hitting on the high notes. 'Amazing babe. Let's have a rest. Amazing day is awaiting for you babe!' I said and looked at Zayn. Zayn smiled. He took the sleeping bag, unfold it and lay it on the ground. 'Babe, sleep on the sleeping bag babe. Don't want you to get back aches! Don't want you to fall sick' Zayn said as he pulled me up. 'No babe, You sleep on the sleeping bag, I'll rest my head on your chest' I insisted. He doubted for a moment. I looked at him and said 'Please babe? You need a good rest for tomorrow performance hun. Do it for me please?' I said as I wrap my arms around his waist. Finally, he agreed and he laid down on the sleeping bag. 'Come here babe' Zayn said. I laid down on his chest, listening to his heart beat. It was an amazing feeling. And soon after, both of us doze of. A great night for us.

-The next morning-

'I need you boo, i gotta see you boo' Zayn phone rang. I woke up instantly, and grab his phone. Louis name appeared on the screen. I answered it immediately.

- Phone conversation-

Louis: Hello?

Diana: Hello. Diana here.

Louis: Oh Diana! Hurry wake Zayn up! His clothes are all ready. We are leaving soon! Hurry.

Diana: See you in 10 minutes!

I hung up the phone and quickly woke Zayn up. 'Zayn, Zayn,' I called out his name as I shake his body lightly. He stretch his body and made cute sounds as he stretched. 'we got to go babe! The lads are waiting for you! Let's hurry!' I said as I pull him up. He rubbed his eyes and asked 'where we going babe?' 'you silly boy! Judges how today hun!' Hurry! I said as I drag him to the lift. Both of us dashed to the boys hotel.

Zayn knocked on the boys door and hurriedly entered the room! 'hurry Zayn!' Harry shouted as he adjusted his shirt. He was in white shirt an his 3 quarter black pants together with a black Nike shoe. Louis was doing his hair. He had his blue and white stripes together with a red tight pants which shows off his butt. Liam was in red and black checkered together with a black pants. He has a red nike show on. Niall was in his 'OK' shirt together with white pants. He had a green Nike shoe on. The boys are all in Nike shoes today, Zayn had the fastest shower ever and I
Had to dress him up! A pampered young boy! He had his white v neck shirt together with a black jacket and jeans. He had his red nike shoe on. He smiled at me and lean in for a hug.

'no time for hug! We gotta go!' Niall said as he rushed out to the lobby! The boys followed after Niall, including me and Fasha. Sadly, both of us can't watch the boys perform. Thus, we has to wait in the car for them.

Once we reached the judges house, we bid goodbye to the boys. I gave Zayn a big hug and rub his back. He break away from the hug and gave a kiss on my lips. 'bye babe! Good luck lads!' I shouted as I waved them goodbye

Will they ever make it?


Zayn held my right hand, our fingers interlocking.  It was a cold windy night. Zayn turned around to look at me.  'You alright babe? Do you need my sweater?' Zayn asked, worried. I laughed. 'Yes I am. Don't worry. I got a great night planned for us! I said. 'When did you leave?' Zayn asked. 'Oh.. Remember after the fight we had? I went to pack my stuff and went to the airport straight away. Wanted to give you a surprise! Anyway, I have booked my hotel. So .... I won't be going back to your room!' I replied. Our fingers were still interlocking. 'Oh..... that's heart breaking' Zayn said softly.  'But..... can I head back to your hotel room tonight?' Zayn asked cheekily as he squeeze my right hand.

'You are asking me permission for this? What if i say No?' I asked him playfully. 'You won't regret it?' Zayn answered as he wrap his arms around my shoulder. I looked at him and gave him a cheeky smile. 'Regret? You will be regretting it, not me!' I replied as my hand wraps around his waist. 'Yeah yeah' Zayn teased. 'Where we going?' He continued. 'We will be skating!' I said excitedly. 'What? Skating? You sure you want to do that?' Zayn asked, shocked. 'Yeah. Why? Are you afraid?' I teased him. 'Afraid? Haha. You should be afraid cause my hotness may just melt the ice you know. And both of us will be in trouble' He replied vainly. I looked at him , rolled my eyes and pushed him away. 'Sorry babe, I don't like to have a vain boyfriend you know' I rolled my eyes and walked off. I purposely did that, cause i know he will chase me. And true enough, he sneaked up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist as we walked clumsily towards the ice rink.

We then went to the counter and grab the stuff needed for us to skate. 'You ready for the ice to melt?' Zayn asked as he giggled. 'Hahah. whatever Zayn. You aren't that hot to melt the ice you know? So please stop dreaming' I say as I slap his left cheek lightly. He took me by my index finger and lead me to the ice rink.  'Ready for me to melt some ice?' Zayn asked cheekily. I pushed him away & skated around the ice rink. I had no trouble skating since I loved skating. Zayn had to chase me around. 'Babe, you better be careful. As you can see, the ice are starting to melt. Maybe I should leave' Zayn joked around, still trying to catch up with me. 'You can leave. We don't need you here anyways' I replied, skating around him. He laughed and managed to grab my right wrist. 'Stop spinning babe! I'm getting dizzy. Stay still, will you?' Zayn said. 'Fine'  I said as I stopped spinning. 'Good girl' Zayn replied with a cheeky smile. He then wrap his arms around my waist. He whispered in my ears and I could feel the warmth of his breath on my bare skin. 'I love you babe' He whispered. I get goosebumps all over my body.

'I love you too babe, you know that, don't you?' I answered as I stroke my hand on his left cheek. He nodded his head and we skated around the ice rink. His arm was still around my waist. 'Enjoying your time,love?' I asked Zayn curious. I am really afraid he didin't enjoy them, you know? 'Everything is enjoyable as long as you are around' He replied & gave me a kiss on my right cheek. We skated around the ice rink for another round before we finally decided to leave the place. 'Let's have dinner' Zayn suggested. I messed up his hair.  'You silly boy, of course we are gonna have our dinner!' I said as I jumped to his back. 'Awh man, piggy back? I'm tired babe!' Zayn complained as he spin me around. 'Then let me go' I said, trying to get down. 'You better be lucky that I'm willing to do anything for you cause you are my universe' Zayn said as he stick his tongue out.

'Should I thank you for that?' I asked Zayn. 'Yes you should. Tell me which guy is willing to carry a girl who weighs so heavy?!' Zayn asked as he laughed. 'I'm not that heavy, you know?' I denied and get down. 'You are. Look at the amount of food you are eating, babe!' Zayn teased as he place his arms around my shoulder. I rolled my eyes and lead him to a lift. 'You better love me for this,Zayn! I said as both of us enter the lift. 'I always love you' Zayn replied with a smile. He bit his lower lips which secretly turns me on. I tiptoed and closed his eyes with my hand. 'Surprise' I said as I placed my hand around his waist. He open his eyes slowly and remained silent. 'You okay babe?' I asked, worried. He nodded his head and turned around to face me. He took both my hands as he look me in the eyes. 'This is so beautiful. You, me, on the rooftop which is decorated with such beautiful lights. The table in the middle of the rooftop together with a waiter. This is perfect babe. I love you so much. I always wanted to have a dinner like this with the girl i love. Thank you for making it come true babe. I love you so much' Zayn said.  He then moved his hands to my cheeks. He bend down a little, tilted his head and closed his eyes. His lips met my lips, under the moonlight. The kiss was the longest kiss we ever encountered.

He finally pull away from the kiss. He looked at me again and gave me a smile. 'I'm hungry, let's eat now.& babe, can you do the honor of feeding me today?' He asked with an adorable tone. 'Sure babe. We can stay here all night if you want to' I say. 'Yes please. I wanna stay here and watch the stars with you. You love the sky don't you babe?' Zayn asked as both of us made our way to the table. I knew Zayn would love to stay here and watch the stars, so I already prepared a sweater and sleeping bag. We went towards the table. Zayn pulled out my chair for me, looked at me and smile. 'Please sit princess' He said. I sat down and he went to sit on the chair opposite me.

We had lamb chop for dinner and I had to go through the trouble of cutting the lamb into smaller pieces. Zayn, such a pampered guy! I had to feed him and he refused to even touch the utensils on the table. 'Sorry for being so pampered babe! I miss you so much.' Zayn explained. I rolled my eyes and smiled at him. 'You are always pampered babe, remember?' I told him. He smiled cheekily and nodded his head.

Star gazing with the person I love. How perfect could this day get?